Media Criticism

Surviving grass-is-greener syndrome

* This is a guest post written by NoReturnMom, a mother of two and professional writer and editor.

I have a flexible, part-time, benefited employment arrangement for which a lot of moms would trade their husbands.

But for several months I’ve been wracking my brain for a viable way to ditch my company (with fond regards, of course) and venture out on my own. You see, I’m not exceptionally passionate about this work—in part because my coveted part-time status relegates me to less exciting projects. Okay, well, that’s the excuse I give myself for not making myself a corporate star.

On the other hand, now that my two toddlers are finally sleeping through the night consistently, I’ve voluntarily run on four to six hours of sleep many nights to throw myself into this blogging thing. I have loved writing about my experiences and epiphanies as a parent so much that I don’t think I could ever tire of it. I’m motivated beyond reason.

In my fantasy, I spend my days fully engrossed in activities and interaction with my one- and two-year old, I coach track in the afternoon (a recent offer I’ll likely turn down), I write thought-provoking posts during the evening and weekend hours, and somehow manage to spend quality time with my husband and get my own runs and/or personal time in after that. Ummm, maybe if we could add about 18 hours to a day and run on 40 minutes of sleep per week.

But, for argument’s sake, let’s just say I ever got to the point of becoming a professional blogger, scrutinizing stats and PR possibilities and brainstorming and writing and networking more than I already do, wouldn’t I miss the hell out of my set hours and salary? Would I end up right where I began—wishing I could just write about whatever I wanted without a care as to who would buy?

But, but…What if I could earn a legitimate income—at least enough to afford a babysitter for not just the coaching time but maybe one or two full business days? Like an actual job—one I won’t ever know to love or hate unless I apply.

But, but… I’m a mom and a wife and—hello—we’re still in the midst of a global recession. Although I don’t keep much of my pay after daycare, my husband is self-employed and the health insurance I get for the four of us is hugely valuable. We research other options probably monthly, but the math is hard to argue with. It’s not all about me and my mom-blogging dreams. And by the way, this vision does not involve sponsored posts or nonstop giveaways or enough flashing ads on my site to rival Times Square. People would come to read and relate and discuss. I’d selectively do a limited number of reviews and such that would truly benefit my audience.

But, but…What audience? Remember, I have a job and two kids. So after the posting is done, the traffic-building happens inefficiently in the wee hours I have left. Even with time and money to burn, would the people come? And how long until I started hating these very people for demanding more and more of my time? What if my blog becomes a superficial, brainless task on my to-do list?

My gut tells me that I could pull it off and be happy—even in a reality I’m sure has many variances from the fantasy. But I’m not at a tipping point just yet. So, I have to learn to live with the dreaded Grass Is Greener Syndrome for an indefinite period.

The blogging scenario is must my personal example of dealing with this disease—one I’m sure you’ve all suffered from at one point or another. So tell me—whether it was a different career, home, relationship, or something else you envied—did you leap over to the other side? Was it worth it? If not, how do you stay focused on making the most of your current circumstances and avoid putting undue energy into something that may or not happen? How much stock did or do you put into intuition?

I am watching the news and honestly I have no idea what station or anything.  But, the story is about people who are having plastic surgery even in a down economy.  According to these folks, the people are doing it to boost their self-esteem.  Of course the experts say that it would be a wiser choice to work on their resume’s than to spend anywhere from $12K to $16K for some alterations to the body.

And, the two people featured were obviously different in their looks from the before and after photos but only one of them is employed now.  And he said he wouldn’t even submit a picture with his resume’ until he had his procedures.  And, he got a job quickly.  Doing what you ask?  He works as a body guard for celebrities…whatever…

The other person was a woman and she had a tummy tuck and boob job and wow, she looked way different and she has a college degree but still hasn’t found a job…hummmm is that weird?

If it were me and I had the cash to get anything that I wanted done to me surgically, I’d have a major tummy tuck and liposuction and I would have boob just deflated a bit..they aren’t really big but I liked it when I could wear training bras.  What?  I did. 

What would you do?  Would you have plastic surgery in hopes of getting a job or a better job?  If so, leave me a message on what you would like to have done.

I am sitting in my family room alone, it’s nearing midnight and I m watching my daily dose of The View.  I love this show.  Whoopi Goldberg is a favorite of mine and well, I don’t even try to hide it.  I would love to see her live in a stand up show.  Anyway, she opens the show today talking about being at a burger joint and this woman with the “projects in a stroller” was bumping into the back of her leg. 

She said she told the lady that she knew the place was crowded but that the woman was bumping her with the big stroller.  The woman told Whoopi that she needed to move up and Whoopi said that she then got angry and said, “YOU NEED TO BACKUP”

It was absolutely hysterical and I couldn’t help but laugh.  Where I’m from, it’s rarely so crowded that even a stroller holding the entire projects would even bother anyone.  But, I’m headed to Chicago next week and I can’t wait to experience some of that over-crowding, the trains and the people and the pushing and oh I love people.

Just look at that photo?  Is that not the funniest thing you have ever laid your eyes on?  Have you ever watched Whoopi Goldberg Live?  It’s old, like late 80’s early 90’s kind of old but my stars that woman is a freakin’ genius.  And, on The View, she doesn’t always chime in with something funny but most of the time if she adds to a conversation, she can find a way to make it funny.  And, I would literally pee my pants if I could see her live.

This is the new fashion Whoopi.  She didn’t look near this good in that Live show that I mentioned from the 80’s but she is every bit as funny.  Oh and Jumpin’ Jack Flash?  I don’t even watch movies and I’ve seen that one more times than I can count.  Ghost too for that matter.  I love this woman.

I watched the end of the interview with Michael Jackson’s father on Tuesday night.  It really is agitating to me just to hear him speak.  I’m not sure why, but that man just gives me the willies.  As per my normal routine, after everyone else is in the bed, I watched Tuesday’s show of The View. 

The show started out with the five women discussing sex and movies and as the first the commercial break came around, Barbara Walters made a comment something like “well at least we are not talking about Michael Jackson for a change”.  When the show returned, the subject was definitely approached again.

Finally, after much banter, my favorite comedian, favorite lady of the show and extremely smart woman said, with disgust I add, “you know what bugs me about this?  That Michael Jackson is the gift that just keeps on giving”.  She was being looked at by her tablemates like she might have bumped her head. 

Then, she continued, “Supposedly Debbie Rowe was paid $4 million dollars to sign away her rights to her children, Latoya Jackson goes on the record to say that she thought MJ was killed, but she was paid $2 Million dollars to do that interview and MJ’s dad was paid an enormous number of millions to do the interview on ABC.  Why is it that the man is gone and people are still making money off of him?  Just….just….just stop with it….bury the man…figure out where you are going to bury him and….and stop with all this.”

Now that was really a big paraphrase session but you know, I”m with Whoopie.  The very people who were nowhere around to help MJ when he needed help are the people making millions off of him now that he is dead.

And now, now 2 kids that may or may not have known who their real mother was and may or may not have known why she didn’t live with them now have to deal with a huge media mess of “Debbie Rowe doesn’t want her children, she took $4 million dollars to go away”.  What the hell?  Who wants to deal with that?

Those kids had led a very sheltered life and now, now there are no more masks, lots of interaction with other family members, the press trying to get at them for one quick photo and then hearing the news that “your mother didn’t want you, she wanted $4 million dollars instead.” 

Gah, what have we come to?  Give me a break.

I’ve had a cast on my leg since January and I’ve been non-weight bearing for the last three and one half months.  So, I haven’t been out of the house too terribly much.  I’ve watched the local news a few times a week and of course with all the hoopla surrounding Michael Jackson I watched a lot of Headlines News and CNN. 

I’ve read some magazines as we get the TV Guide and Entertainment Weekly and of course, there are ads all over the internet.  But, for the most part, I have learned to tune out the ads.  I can go to a webpage to show my mother something and instead of looking at what I am trying to show her, she is asking about all these ads that I have never even noticed.  I think it comes with the territory.  My kids hate commericials and no matter what we are watching, they yell, skip this every time a commercial comes on TV.  And of course I couldn’t tell you one ad I saw in any of those magazines that I’ve read.

Today however, I went shopping for groceries and holy cow, the media.  No wonder people buy crap they don’t need.  I have never paid that much attention to the ads in grocery stores, Wal-mart, K-mart, or Target like stores.  But today, they were just like…everywhere…al up in my face.  I found myself thinking of buying different name brands when I’ve used the same one for years.  It was crazy. 

I think I’ll stick to the internet, I have a keen sense of selective reading.

You know, it’s a tough call.  What does a person have to do to actually be considered a celebrity?  For instance, Steve McNair was obviously a celebrity.  And, he had the allure that apparently attracted women, many of them it seems.  And, with Michael Jackson, he was an obvious celebrity as well.  But, I read the blogs of some women who are extremely successful in their blogging endeavors and at times have had to have help to keep the crazy people away from them.

And, what about college athletes.  They are made to look like superstars when in reality most of them are just innocent 19 year olds who are clueless about the world.  Universities don’t arm them with the tools to deal with fame being flashed in front of them.

So, here’s my story.  I dated a guy who played university level basketball.  He eventually played professionally in Australia but never made it in the NBA.  He played on a national championship team and it was always a circus around the team.  Because I have a degree in physical education, I could do a lot of things with the team that others girlfriends couldn’t.  And, one of them was watch the teams practice.  They were in a completely different state so it involved a lot of traveling on my part but I would usually see him in 3 or 4 days stints or when the team was playing close enough, just the night before while they were traveling and then on game day, I would go to the arena and watch the pre-game walk through or watch practices only because the coach knew that my intentions were as much about learning as being near this player.

And, from there, it would turn into a circus.  We would attempt to leave the arena and there would be people everywhere.  Naturally it was worse when they played at home but it was out of hand when they played in our home state as well. 

We couldn’t walk out of the arena or around in the hotel like normal people.  We would get off the elevator and he would literally have to pull me through the crowd of people who were trying to chat with him and ask for his autograph.  He was tall, about 6’6” and I crank in at a lofty 5’4” so we were an odd couple at best.

Anyway, this guy had big aspirations that really never developed.  Yes, playing professionally in Australia is better than most athletes ever attain but, this was when he was a junior and senior in college.  After games the team would leave the locker room and attempt to get with their family that they may or may not have seen in months. Most of the time this guy would merely waive at me across a crowd of people and then use signals that we had developed to tell me where he was headed or where he hid his apartment key for me.  But, it was nuts,  true circus.

And, then, for those like McNair who continue on through college, make it to play professionally, become a celebrity and the special treatment just continued to flow.  But no one, absolutely no one is immune to the acts of the human race

What’s up with the celebrity deaths?  Do they all really live on the edge like Michael Jackson…or Steve McNair.

I’m pretty sure I’ve beat the Michael Jackson horse enough, so I’ll pick on someone else who lost his life in an equally risqué manner just differently.  My first thought when I heard of Steve McNair’s death and the circumstances, I wondered to myself, why do people expect a partner to be faithful to them when they haven’t been faithful to the partner they are with by being involved with you?  What kind of craziness is that?

And, I feel for Steve’s wife.  There are many tails out there, some say she found out that her husband was having an affair the way we all did, by hearing that he was dead at the hands of his mistress.  Others say she knew it but that McNair had told her he would break it off.  But, had instead bought a house for the mistress.  How sad?

That’s where this gets even more crazy.  Why?  Because there is also word that there was a third woman involved.  See, he was cheating on his wife with the woman who killed him.  And, of course we will never know but it could be that the mistress stepped over the edge because she found out he was cheating on his mistress with yet another mistress.

WHAT?  This is nuts ya’ll.  Listen, I’ll be the first to tell you that hot men are hot men.  And, in Steve McNair’s case, he had been a really good Samaritan during his career.  And, his personality (from old video feeds) is extremely warm and embracing.  But, when you get involved with someone in a situation like this, you have to know that nothing good can come of it.

I speak from experience on part of this.  Let me explain…

Continued…

I am just curious how you receive your news.  I mean, do you watch television?  Do you watch the local news? The national news?  Both?  Do you watch CNN.com or Headlines news?  Do you depend on the internet for your information?  Do you use twitter for information?

Let me tell you how I do it.  I watch the local news when I can pry the remote out of my kids hands.  That’s usually 3 or 4 times a week.  I manage to snag the national news at least once a week.  But my main form of news comes from the internet.  I google stuff, I check what’s on the homepage of yahoo, I go to CNN.com (which I have only watched regularly on 2 ocassions, one was 911 and the other was Michael Jckson) and the same goes for Headlines news. 

I depend on twitter for a majority of the news that breaks and then I go in search of more information if it interest me.  I was actually leaving my doctors office 2 weeks ago when I saw on the twitter feed that Michael Jackson had died.  The radio stations were not mentioning it.  When I arrived home, the news stations had not started their non-stop- coverage and TMZ.com was the place that had what I believed to be the most accurate information.  And, they broke the MJ story first.

So, I”m curious…where do you get your news on a regular basis?  TV – local or national, shows like Entertainment tonight, the internet – through searches or as it hits the homepages of various search engines, or the twitter feed?  Tell me, inquiring minds want to know,.

Let’s face it, regardless of whether you were a true blue dedicated Michael Jackson fan or just one who listened to his music, watched him dance and then went on about your business, you are being bombarded by Michael Jackson stuff.

I was very proud that the Memorial Service was reserved and not totally over the top.  The thing is this, we’ve listened to Michael Jackson everything, down to the fact that when he entered the hospital, he wasn’t listed by name, he was given the name of “emergency joe” to help keep down crowds.  It might not have been emergency now that I think about it it might have been “trauma joe” or something like that.

Anyway, here’s the thing, we lost 13 soldiers that day which is the most we as a nation have lost in a long time.  And even still, it was all about Michael Jackson.  Farrah and died and as others have said, we had all basically come to grips with her health but she did die that morning.  And really, nothing much was said about her then and then she has finally made the magazine circuit. 

But, Farrah, and 13 soldiers lost their lives on the same day as Michael Jackson.  Why have we heard nothing about them.

I know I know, we haven’t heard from them because Michael Jackson was the King of Pop.  And, that’s fine, but people 13 soldiers, fighting for our right to listen to MJ’s music, eat what we want to eat and go where we want to go.  Thirteen soldiers who were trying to help the less fortunate build themselves up so that they too can survive in a more civilized society. 

Yet….we were told every Michael Jackson detail that anyone could come up.  A lot of truth but more lies, I’m almost positive of that.

Yes, I know you know, every channel was showing the Memorial Service and the potential for it to be an elaborate over-the-top service was there.  It is said many times over though that Michael was shy, bashful, soft-spoken until he stepped on stage.  And, then the magic began.

And, I was very afraid that this Memorial Service would come off much like the BET Awards did.  I hoped it wouldn’t but the potential was definitely there.  But, instead, it was a beautiful service.  Some people call foul and say it was un-necessary.  However, if you’ve ever attended memorial services for someone outside of your own race, you know that all services are not created equally.

The Jackson’s had a private service this morning.  And, then, they graciously agreed to share him with us this afternoon.  Many celebrities came out and others chose to stay home sending only a statement that Michael would have wanted it that way.  The talented singers came out in droves as well.

At one point, Usher lost control.  Yet, so did Jermaine, Marlon, and finally, as the ceremony was closing, Michael’s sweet daughter Paris asked to say something.  She stepped in front of the microphone and totally in an unrehearsed and unscripted manner, she sad, “…my daddy was the best father….” and even though I have watched it multiple times, I have yet to hear much past that part because I too find myself broken down in tears. 

It was a very classy service, nothing or no one trying to upstage the King of Pop.  It was beautiful.  If you missed it, check youtube and CNN as their is a video of each portion of the service.  I’ve watched them all, some of them twice.   I’ve listened to Jennifer Hudson, Mariah Carey and Usher sing without watching it for a fourth or fifth time.  Just listening…..sometimes that’s the best way ….